Resolutions
Well we're now a little over a week into the new year. I'm not normally one to make resolutions, but I've thought up of a few for myself this year. I really hate calling them resolutions though, and I could go around calling them something else, but that's what they are. So without further ado, here are my resolutions for this year.
1. Eat better.
This is a tricky one to explain. While, yes, I do want to lose some weight, I'm not looking to suddenly switch my diet around to being completely healthy. What I'm looking to do is eat less of the shitty foods, and just less food all together. I find myself eating large portions that definitely doesn't help. I'm not going to completely cut out cheeseburgers from my diet (because I fucking love burgers), but I'm just not going to eat that kind of stuff as often as I used to. I've suddenly changed my diet before and while it worked for a little while, I usually just stopped following the diet suddenly. I'm hoping that doing a gradual over time change will help me keep on it after the fact. If not, oh well. I'm fat.
2. Get my driving situation back in order.
A little over a year I drove my car into a pole because of black ice on the road. It was a hoot! Well this year I want to try to get myself back on the road again. I'm tired of being confined to Grass Valley, having to walk everywhere. On top of that, I don't like asking people for rides, even when I need one. And while I can normally get rides from my roommate to and from work, I still don't like asking. I need to get myself a new car and drive like there's no tomorrow. If I had an able car, just think of how often I'd be down in Berkeley molesting visiting my friends.
3. Put myself back on the market. No, not the black market.
It's been far too long. In fact, it's been so long that I've lost track on just how long it's been. I've had opportunities in the near and far past, but I'm so bad at asking girls out that I've lost those opportunities. Plus I'm stupid with girls. I keep wanting a Scott Pilgrim romance, but that's fiction. It's just not going to happen that way. Hal Emmerich quotes it best in Metal Gear Solid 2: "You can't wait to be loved. You have to go out and find it." As far as how I'm going to go about doing this... I have no fucking clue. I've had girlfriends in the past, but I've never really dated. It's a strange world out there, filled with girls with cooties.
What I will say is I'm not going to just settle. I'm not going to date the first girl who will go out with me, and just date her because she's someone who will date me. Again, I'm jumping in blind to this. And while I've come to accept being single, there are times where the loneliness just kills me. I'd prefer to not feel alone anymore. And there's only one way I can fix that.
4. Finish the rest of Power Rangers
Yes I know I posted this in my last post. Shut up.
Super nerd alert (not that you didn't already know this). This was a late term goal I set for myself back in August. I was hoping to finish all of Power Rangers by the end of 2011. But after doing the math, I had to watch five episodes a day for the rest of the year to make it. I didn't want to do that. So I'm giving myself until the end of the year to finish this. I'm close to the end of Season 5 right now. I'm not counting Season 18 officially, because that season was just Disney's last attempt at ruining Power Rangers, and was just a re-airing of Season 1 with stupid special effects. I think I can do it. Too bad I'm at the point where the show gets pretty bad, and continues to be kind of bad until Disney gets it. Then it's good for a few seasons, then it gets bad again. Then Saban gets it bad, and then it's good... See a pattern here? I better get the resolution above this one done, otherwise I'm going to die alone.
5. Make PAX Prime 2012 my best PAX yet.
PAX Prime 2011 was a really freaking awesome time. I met a bunch of the super rad people who work for Destructoid like Max Scoville, Jim Sterling, Tara Long, Niero Gonzalez, the guys of Mega64, and quite a few more rad people. But the one drawback for me, looking back, was I didn't have a very big Destructoid community presence at the time. At the community events, people knew who I was, and I knew who people were, but I'd never really talked much to any of them outside comments on Dtoid. Fast forward to today, I actually know quite a few people from the Dtoid community much better, and they know me much better as well. That's why I feel that PAX Prime 2012 is going to be even better than 2011, for me at least. And after last year, I definitely plan on going this year, no matter what.
THE END
Well that's about it. I still have small goals for life overall, but these are the things I want to happen this year. Now to get off my ass and make them happen!
Nega Swish
I love Scott Pilgrim. A lot. It's easily my second favorite movie of all time (first being Ghostbusters). Recently I've gotten to comparing myself with the character Scott Pilgrim again. I used to compare myself to Scott from the movie. However recently, I've gotten around to reading the books, and there's a lot about Scott that wasn't quite explained in the movie. I'm going to go into spoiler territory for the Scott Pilgrim story arc in a few moments, so if you haven't read the books or seen the movie, and don't want them ruined for you, then don't read ahead. Otherwise, watch the damn movie and read the fucking books already!
So in the movie, Scott was just a loser kid who had found the girl of his dreams and fought everyone who stood in his way just so he could be with her. The only thing Scott did that would be considered bad would be that he led on Knives for a little while after he started getting together with Ramona. However, there's a lot that they didn't go into in the movie for time sake. There was a lot that Scott did that wasn't all that great.
For instance, there's Nega Scott. Nega Scott in the movie was just a "last boss", so to speak. But in the book he represented a lot more. Nega Scott was an manifestation of Scott's repressed memories, where he made a lot of bad mistakes. Like how he moved away without even telling his girlfriend at the time he was moving away. She heard it from a friend a week later. He changed his memories around to make him the good guy. Not only that, but he acts as if he's the victim all the time, when he's the person victimizing from time to time.
As much as it pains me to say it, that sounds exactly what I deal with from time to time. I've repressed a lot of my bad memories. We're all human. We don't like to remember bad things. But the thing is that in some of those memories, I do remember them in a way that makes me the good guy. Also, in my day to day life, I feel as if I'm always the guy getting hurt, or the guy who everyone wants to take advantage of. However I feel as if I exaggerate those things to myself to make me feel better. On top of that, I tell myself that I'm the good guy and I do everything to help everyone. But there's times where I'm the guy doing the hurting. I may not do it directly, but I do and say things that hurt others and then make myself out to be a good guy.
I don't think I'm as bad as Scott is presented in the books, but I still can relate quite a bit to him in those matters. The big things I find different about the two of us is that I've held the same job for several years, while he didn't have a job through most of the series. And the one pro he has over me is that he isn't as much of a pussy when it comes to asking girls out. I'm terrible at asking girls out, and often lose my opportunity. Like, a lot.
Anyways, that's it. Just some stuff I was thinking. That's what a blog is for, right? Thoughts and Power Rangers stuff? Not exactly? Well fuck it. I'm doing exactly that anyway.
Birthday Blues
It's that time of year again. Time for my fucking birthday! But, I'm not really excited about it. You see, I never really like to make a big deal out of my birthday. Even growing up my parents would let me go the day without doing chores and stuff like that, but I never wanted to let them. I like to treat my birthday like any other day. I rarely, rarely have parties, or get togethers, or really anything. Closest I usually get is sometimes my dad and grandma come to town and we go out to dinner.
This is the way I've always wanted it. I don't want people to make a big deal and go out of their way for me only because it's my birthday. But, me being the weird person I am, there are times where I would like people to go out of their way and do something nice. Whether it be a surprise party, a gift, or really just getting a visit from a good friend. Now, if these things don't happen, I don't care. I'm not expecting anything from anyone, and again, I don't want people to treat me special because it is my birthday. But there's still that little part of me that does.
I dunno. I'm weird. Here's some Gokaiger for you, because I have some fascination with posting Super Sentai/Power Rangers videos on posts.
Rejection?!
It's that time again. The time of year where I get depressed. This time I'm doing a little better. Maybe it hasn't fully set in yet, or maybe it's because I've been thinking about it. The main reason I find myself getting depressed is because I'm single. I hate, I repeat, hate feeling this way. I've come to accept being single and I'm happy most of the time. But I come to times like this where it's all I can think about. What am I doing wrong?
Well the first thing is I'm doing nothing wrong, per se. What I'm not doing is taking any sort of initiative. And there's a reason for that: I'm scared. Most people would think I'm scared of rejection, but it's actually something even deeper than a simple thing like rejection. The thing is, I'm afraid of being inadequate as a man. There's the fear in me that I won't be able to be who she needs.
Again, these fears are stupid, but I kind of don't blame myself for feeling them. I've been single for five years now (I believe, I lost count). On one hand, that's not a very long time. But on the other, it feels like an eternity. I haven't felt love toward someone, minus a crush, in a very long time. My last girlfriend dumped me, only to be dating someone else within a couple weeks. And the next two girls I attempted to date were hesitant, but interested, but then decided that dating someone else was a better choice than me. I've gotten over it since then, but all that within the span of a year or two really fucked me up, and put me into my state of deep depression back then. The good part about my super depressed state back then was it helped mold me into the better and smarter person I am today. That being said, these events have still left an imprint of fear in me. I wasn't good enough for one girl after dating for a year and a half, and I wasn't good enough for a couple others when we didn't even end up dating. What's to say I'm not good enough for anyone?
The big drawback here is it now looks like I'm lacking confidence. I will say that, while I do have that fear of inadequacy, I am confident in myself that I will be a good boyfriend. I'm just not sure if I'll be the right boyfriend. But you can never be sure if you'll be the right one. Love has trials and errors that nobody can foresee. You either get really lucky and end up in a successful relationship, or it crashes and burns.
We all get hurt. It's unavoidable. It's what you do with that pain that matters. You can let it consume you, or you can use it as a stepping stone to learn and move forward with life.
The Real Me?
There's times where I feel like I have a split personality. There's the side of me that I usually show to people, which some may say is my "regular side". It's the part of me that's weird, funny, kind, and just overall enjoyable to be around. This is what I am 90% of the time. But there's another part of me that surfaces from time to time, and seems to be trying to surface again.
This part of me is pretty much the opposite of what I usually am. I get depressed, quiet, cynical, lonely, and I can even be an asshole while like this. This is also the part of me that I try to hide from everyone. While I'm feeling like this, I try to act like nothing's wrong. There are some people who can see right though it, and I still deny it. There are many reasons I try to hide it. Number one reason is because I don't want anyone to worry about me. The second is I'm trying to deny it to myself.
When I get in this mood, I just want it to go away. Yet that doesn't just happen at the snap of your fingers, unfortunately. As for what triggers it, there's a number of different things. Sometimes it just happens. Other times it's stress. And other times it's something as stupid as an emotion. I keep things bottled up inside. I don't like revealing my true feelings, and I think that's what really does it to me. Something like a feeling for someone that I don't want to reveal for whatever stupid reason, or being upset about something. It kind of puts me in a brooding mood, which ends up being the bad part of me. And then there's the times where I feel like an asshole. That hurts the most.
I think the thing that really troubles me about all this is that at times, I feel like the bad part of me is the real me. This is not the person I want to be at all. I like the good part of me. The one who people look up to (or at least I think they do). The one who's fun and friendly. The "real" me. There are people I've hurt because of this as well, and to all of you, I am truly, deeply sorry. It tears me up inside just to know that I've ever hurt someone.
I know worrying about this stuff is stupid as fuck. All people feel. All people hurt. I just don't like the way I let it take over me. Yet I can't find a way to fight it in my current state. I need to make changes that I don't want to make, but they're changes that I need to make if I ever want to get over it. I need to be more open. And above all, I need to let people help if they're willing to help and listen. Just having someone listen can make all the difference.
Overall, this is something that I need to get over and stupid being a stupid crybaby over it. It's time for me to be a man, not a teenager. It's time for me to let my brain control me, and not my emotions. It's time for me to change, and be not only the person I want me to be, but the person everyone needs me to be.
Now, as a reward for you, the reader, reading through my stupid emotional bullshit, here's some Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger.
Xenomorph Nightmares!
I've been on a personal quest for the past few years to watch some of the "acclaimed" movie series that I've never got around to seeing before. A few years ago I finally watched all of the Rocky and Die Hard movies. Oone series I just finished was the Alien series. So I wanted to give a short review of each movie and the series as a whole. Here we go!
Alien
This was the only movie I had seen before watching the whole series. But since it had been so long since I'd seen it I gave it another go. The first movie was set up to be more of a thriller movie than anything else. From the moment the facehugger attaches Kane's face to the final confrontation with the Xenomorph, the movie stays suspenseful. Very good movie, and my second favorite of all the movies.
Aliens
When I finished Aliens, the only words I could muster up were "Holy shit". While Alien was a suspense movie, Aliens was more of a action thriller. And it kicked ass. The movie introduced a lot of elements that are now iconic in the series, like the Marines, the Queen, the power loader, and more. After this movie, I'm even more excited for the new games Infestation and Colonial Marines. Both games are basing themselves off Aliens in particular, and that's a good thing.
Alien 3
Alien 3 kind of went in a backwards direction from Aliens. It went back to the one alien suspense type movie. It's one of the most ridiculed of the series, but I liked it. I do understand that going this direction after Aliens is weird, but honestly I don't think you can top Aliens. This movie introduced the premise of different types of Xenomorphs, due to the Facehugger impregnating a dog instead of a human. My biggest problem with the movie was they used too much CG. Alien 3 was made at a time where CG was still new, and the alien just didn't look as good as it would have if it was a puppet or robot. Overall, not bad, but my least favorite of the first three.
Alien Resurrection
I probably have the most to say about this movie, which is strange, because it's the worst of them all. The overall story just didn't make much sense. First off, using cloning to bring back dead characters in a series is a big no no in my opinion. Ripley just acts so weird in this movie. I understand that she's a clone and everything, but her mind seems to change constantly. First she wants the Xenomorphs dead. Then she seems to embrace the Xenomorphs as if she's their mother (which technically she sort of is). But later she wants them dead again. Her character just teetered back and forth. Then there's the crew of the ship that docks with the space station and sells the scientists live humans, which they use to breed more Xenomorphs. There's really no introduction for them. They just appear and you're all of a sudden supposed to know what's going on and give a shit. When the Xenomorphs break out, the immediate response from everyone is to get the fuck out. And that's a good idea. Except when the main crew of the station leave, and we have our rag tag team of people sellers and Ripley left behind, there's no suspense. Just a bunch of idiots running around a ship for an hour and a half who happen to run into a Xenomorph every so often. Winona Ryder ends up being an android, which was just stupid, and just... I don't even want to go on about this movie. While listening to Podtoid this week, Jim mentioned that the movie was written as a parody, and Fox decided to go ahead and make it. After hearing that and thinking back to the movie, it makes sense. Overall the movie is fairly goofy for an Alien movie. But it just doesn't fit right in the series in my opinion, and would have been better either being a different movie, or if the other Alien movies never existed. It felt like one of those newer suspense movies that are so dumb they're fun. But with the other movies before it, it's just overall dumb. While I finished Aliens with "Holy shit", I ended Resurrection with "What the fuck was that?" The one good thing I could say about this movie was that they did a great job with the special effects, and the overall looks of the Xenomorphs. Not the worst movie ever, but definitely not good either.
And that's it! After watching them all, I will say that the Alien series is now one of my favorite movie series of all time. And even after the bad taste Resurrection left in my mouth, I'm really looking forward to seeing what's in store in Prometheus. And why did I title this blog Xenomorph Nightmares? Well, I randomly have nightmares about one of three different things: Zombies, raptors, and Xenomorphs. If a movie franchise can leave an impression in my head where I have nightmares about the main antagonists without seeing or hearing anything about the movie for days, then that's telling you something. If you like sci-fi, or even thriller movies, watch the Alien series. Don't be afraid to skip out on Resurrection though. You won't be missing much.
Nerdgasm
"You need to stop *insert nerdy activity here* so much. How are you ever going to get a girlfriend?" I hear phrases like this all the time from lots of people. And you know what? I don't give a fuck.
For those who know me and have been living under a rock the past several years, yes. I am a nerd. I like video games, Power Rangers, Star Trek, (some) anime, comic books, and many more things that people say make you nerdy. They are a part of my daily life. The thing is, I enjoy these things, and they are part of what makes me, me. So why stop?
Shit like this = AWESOME
Everyone's main argument is the same: "You'll never get a girlfriend." or "You're never going to get laid." While, yes, having a girlfriend would be rad, and sex being pretty awesome as well, it's not my main priority in life. My main priority is to be happy. And these things that I enjoy so much make me happy. The biggest thing here is if I have to stop liking the things I like and change who I am to have a girlfriend, then she obviously isn't right for me. One should never have to change who they are for someone. I like who I am, and I feel no need to change me.
Pretty much sums it all up.
However, I do agree with some of the said statements as well. For instance, I spend most of my free time at my computer playing video games and all the other stuff I do. If I used some of this time just to get out and meet people then, well, I'd be meeting people. But I'm not going to give up video games for good just because a potential girlfriend doesn't like video games. I will, however, put less much time and energy into these things so I could put more time and energy into being a good boyfriend/husband/burrito.
So overall, these aren't things I'm really worried about. If I spend my life worrying about getting a girl into my life, I'm going to be miserable the times I don't have one. And I've gone through periods like that. They suck. And yeah, I get lonely from time to time, but I deal. If you can't be happy on your own then you're in for a world of hurt later in life.
And now... POWER RANGERS!
Gaming
So I've made a decision about doing gaming blog posts. I may talk games from time to time here, but I'm thinking that most of my posts are going to be done on my Destructoid blog. So I just wanted to give everyone (or anyone) a heads up on that. If you're interested I'll probably post something on Twitter/Facebook when I put a new blog up. Or you can just keep an eye on my blog there. Link below.
http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/Swishiee
PS: Sup.
Killjoys Make Some Noise
Well then. It's been a while since I've typed some words of merriment in this thing you people call a blog. What's the word? And it most definitely is not the bird this time.
What I'm writing about today is a project I plan on starting up pretty soon here. First off, watch this and take note on the costumes they're wearing.
Watch it? No? Didn't think you would. But still. That's my project. I'm going to make a costume based off the world of Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys. I'm going to go for my own look instead of emulating the look of one of their costumes. Here's where you come in, fair reader (if any). Next week I'm going to be in Berkeley, and I think I'm going to buy the bigger pieces of the costume. And I want to know: What do you think I should go for? I don't really have any plans at this moment for the actual clothing part of the costume. I'm just going to go with whatever catches my eye that will fit with the style MCR has set in their music videos, and also kinda be my type of style of clothing. As for the props, I plan on getting a plain white mask and painting it, and also using a couple NES Zappers as my ray guns and probably painting those to match the mask (or vice versa). The color scheme would be matching the rest of the outfit, if there's a color scheme there. I could use the gun and mask I already have, but they're collectables and I don't want to damage them in the case that I actually wear it out to a concert or for a costume ball (Yes I said a costume ball. The prince plans on having one sometime in the near future, okay?). Plus the gun appears to be ceramic, so I don't want to break it. Plastic all the way!
So pretty much the table is open for everything. Give me your thoughts, ideas, or just plain make fun of me. It's the internet! Do as you please!
TL;DR MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE COSPLAY LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
PS: Here's another music video if you wanted more reference. Sing it for the world.
Back to the Dreamland?
I woke up at 4am this morning and laughed my ass off because of a dream I had. It was awesome, weird, and funny. Plus it was based off of Back to the Future III Here's what happened.
So I was in 1885 somehow. I don't remember exactly how I got there. Anyways, I went and found Doc Brown and told him there was a change in the timeline, and that we needed to change something in 1885 to get it right again. But through the whole thing I couldn't run into Marty. So we fixed everything, but I had to get to the future, but I was going to 2011, where Marty was going to 1985. So Doc rigged up a weird little time machine that was pushed by the DeLorean, which was being pushed by the train. And I had to sit on top of it. It almost looked like a TV with wheels. How Marty wasn't supposed to see me I have no idea.
So the train got up to 88MPH which almost pushed me into the ravine. Thankfully we hit 88 and I was transported to the future. At least when I got to the future I thought it was. I had to make sure. Instead of being at Eastwood Ravine though, I was in the forest for some reason, which is why I was confused as to where I was and what time. I walked down this small road in the forest until I found a house where a family of people were sitting out on the porch having a party or something. They seemed surprised to see me, probably because it was a small road in the forest and didn't get many people walking through. So I asked them "When am I?" They seemed confused and told me the name of where I was. I think it was supposed to be Hill Valley or Grass Valley, which is funny because either way if Hill Valley was real it would only be miles from Grass Valley. I asked them again "When am I?" and they responded with the same. Finally I went "What year is this?" They replied with "It's 2011." I shouted out "I made it!" and ran off toward home. I heard one of them just say something like "That guy needs some help."
Then I woke up and laughed. And that was my dream, and how I got BACK TO THE FUTURE!
PS: GREAT SCOTT!
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- The @dtoidshow is done streaming. I think it's time to clean my house now. Yay.
- Where the fuck are my roommates?
- RT @dtoidshow: LIVE SHOW IN MINUTES! www.youtube.com/dtoid and www.revision3.com/watch!
- Just found out about a Power Ranger Bootcamp with Jason David Frank. Only $800 a person! Worst part is I'd do it.
- RT @gamespite: Is this the most ridiculous thing we've ever posted on 1UP? Signs point to yes. http://t.co/ZjZ2xxYG